重拾自己

人累了， 心倦了。
心中一片残云密布 散不去，
雨过天晴 换来的又是一场骇人的暴风雨。
留下我的沮丧、我的无助……

你是闇神 主导我的世界,
你的降临 催促着梦魇的苏醒。
我的世界 没有了光亮，
只剩寂静陪我歌唱。

一个人的旅程，好艰苦。
默默地走完崎岖的道路。
付出的努力不是鼓舞，
而是后来面对一切的一切的痛苦。

我需要的是一场恍然大悟的惊喜。
放下我的脾气，赶走我的哭泣。
我无所谓失去，只是不甘心被舍弃。
受伤的心，如何重拾自己？？

我不要胆怯了，不要彷徨了。
一个人的自己，演化成我的坚强与动力。
不会说放弃，不甘心我的不服气，
我的勇气是我的命运，
我的执著是我的唯一，
我相信 我可以……
我，一定可以……


p/s: 感谢你扰乱我的生活，感谢你让我收拾你的烂摊子，
感谢你成我我生命中的盐分，沉淀我的心中，
让我上了生命中宝贵的一课，
再见了。
再见了。

UNFORTUNATE !!!

I REALLY CANT TOLERATE HER ANYMORE!!!
IT IS REALLY MY UNFORTUNATE TO MEET HER SINCE THE DAY WE MET!!!!
DAMN IT....... YOU BRING A LOT OF TROUBLE TO ME, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT???
I DISLIKE YOU.

She, is my roommate now. But due to her some specific reason, she doesn't want to study anymore. And, this problem instantly becomes the unstable BOMB between me and her.

The following is my conversation with her:-
"Hey, when will you stay until in this apartment??"
"I think till this end of month."
"Then how about the rental fees for the following months?"
"I can't get back my deposit already."

This is what i thought in my mind :" What do you mean by that? How about 2 half months later??" (We have to pay deposit respectively for 2 half months before we move in)

"Then, what if you can't find any roommates to replace you after 2 half months?"
"I now can't get back my deposit already. It is impossible for me to pay extra without living here!!!"
"Yo, it is the same for me. If you really can't find any replacement, I DEFINITELY WON'T PAY FOR YOU!!!"
"............................"

WTFxxxxxx........

What do you think you are???
Do you have any common sense???
You have to pay untill you find a replacement for you, just like what the others doing.
WHAT A IRRESPONSIBLE PERSON.

OK...FROM THE POINT OF HER VIEW, I CAN UNDERSTAND HER SITUATION AND HER REASON.
It is fine for me....
You can't get back your deposit, fine. You don't want to pay for the rental fees, fine.
BUT I CANT FORGIVE HER FOR NOT LOOKING FOR REPLACEMENT SERIOUSLY.
YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OTHERS AT ALL........

By the way.....
During the time i lived with her in MMU hostel, the most happiest time is when she was not around.
I still vividly remembered her BASS speaker........ALAMAK.
Evertime when i was doing tutorials or studying, she turned on the volume loudly.
When i was not in my room, she even turned on the loudest volume.......
For a good example, Jackie even can listen the music in her room. (Jackie's room was in 1 floor, mine is in 2 floor)
You can imagine how loudness it is to affect my life that time, especially the bass sound. Every beat will make me nervous and nervous.
I didn't do anything wrong, but i have to act like a mouse, escaped from my room to have a relief......
I have witness to prove her GUILTY.........heng~~

I like singing. I choose the right time (nobody at my room) to sing loudly.
She, didn't care about others' feeling and always did anything as she liked. I wanted to sleep, but her singing made me uncomfortable and panicked. What should i do???

She seldom tidied up the room. I don't blame her since she always back home every week. But, even she stayed in the hostel the whole week, there was a small possibility(0.10%) for her to sweep the floor. Gradually, i was lazy to do anything for her and just swept the floor of my part. You can say i am cruel, but i realized that she didn't care of her floor as well even if it was full of hair. She didn't care at all, why should i care for her???

She always cried for her bad result. I never sympathized for her coz she never do any preparation for those midterm or exam. Do you think that spending the whole time watching drama and sleeping can make you get flying colours result? You always last last last last minute prepare on the previous night before the exam. What you can do in such a short time???

I am not mocking at her bad result.But, i didn't see she did her try to do the best. I just can say, she is too dependent.

She is too dependent to her boyfriend as well as her family.
She needed the others to prepare well for her. She won't care of anything even if she was in trouble. Do you expect there is somebody always standy by your side and serve you???

Example 1
Her light was broken. She asked me what and how to do. I did tell her, but she was always sitting and doing nothing. The light has been broken for 1 months and it hasn't been fixed yet by the day i moved out.
I dont care of her light. As long as i can read the book by using my light, i won't do any extra to her.

Example 2
She always ask me how to do the assignments but i always gave her the short answer since i know that it will make me to be the one to complete her assignment. Yeeyong, one of my hostel neighbour, used to help her to do the assignment. She helped her to finish the assignment in the whole morning even if she was not in the same group with her. I was not so as noble as her, i need to be cruel to be kind for my own good.

Example 3
My roommate was being suspected for requiring higher marks by the lecturer. This made her to be misunderstood by her groupmates. If i was her, i will find the ways to prove my clear conscience. I don't know what she was waiting for. She said nothing, do nothing and sat nothing.

Example 4
One of her best friends broke relationship with her. She did call her back but still let it be.

Example 5
When looking for another roommates to move into cyberia, she always sat nothing and asked me how did it works. I has been vexed for few weeks and always went to cyberia at least 2 times in a week during that time. I was busy looking for roommate through surfing net, ym, msn........... What she was doing??? She even tell me SHE WAS TIRED!!!!
WHY U FEEL SO TIRED BY JUST SITTING ON THE CHAIR AND WATCHING DRAMA FOR THE WHOLE DAY???
SORRY, U HAVE NO THE RIGHT TO SAY TIRED!!!
It costs me around RM50 for the telephone charge. I used to hint her the telephone fees i waste in looking for apartment and roommate.
HAHAHAHAHA, you guess.....what is her reflection???
She pretended nothing happened.

OH GOD!!!

I can said i was too kind. I felt like to being used by her as a MAID!!!
Even if i had much grudge to her, i always hide them in my heart and tolerated all the things.
At the end??? What befall on me??
I was just a pitiful girl who had to bear all the burdens she left.


Maybe, it is a good thing no need to see her again. Yup, i have to thank her for letting me to know how to stand sth/sb unpleasant without complaining. Thanks to her for letting me know my limitation of tolerance. Thanks to her to become the troublemaker i ever met before and so i will know how to protect myself in the future.......